they'll have to go through you first

[regenerated]

Why it mattered, Claire couldn't say, but the bulletin board had made her restless in the past few days, more so even than months past. Ideally, she would have considered it simple proof of the fact that, willing or otherwise, she was starting to assimilate into island life, caring so much for her fellow citizens that having the ideal five overseeing the group was of utmost importance to her. But Claire knew that wasn't it— no matter how many friends she had on the island, if crisis truly stuck, she could think of upwards of a dozen people who would be able to save them all. Superheroes, in her mind, more than a personal savior or someone with remarkable strength of will, but instead people with the very experience of facing crisis after crisis.

If the sky really did start to fall, there were people to keep it standing.

Yet this time, it was Peter who stole the majority of Claire's worries and attention, a part of her wishing that the island would at least give a nod to all of the accomplishments he'd managed, rather than taking too long to forgive a speech given heated, in the moment, too soon after Mary Jane's departure. Which one of them hadn't screamed, cried, torn themselves apart over a departure?

But those in the spotlight always had more consequences to suffer from it.

She'd managed to calm herself that morning by another round of rock diving, new bruises joining a few of the old, wherever water had made more impact than ideal, or wherever she tripped on any of the hikes she'd been pushing herself on as of late. Hair still damp, she paused on her usual way back to the Compound, before deciding to stay out longer on the beach. Laying out a large towel, she exhaled softly as she sat down, quickly burying her feet into the sand. There was so much happening, she thought to herself. Yet, she seemed incapable of getting her hands in it all. An unusual turn of events.

Comments

[noonelaughed]

"No, not it's not just-- of course it's not just about parties," Chris says, because somehow she's gotten it all wrong here. He and Jal... there was loads that they didn't have in common. Even just with his mates, there are things that not all of them like. But when you love someone, none of that matters. That's how it's supposed to work, if it's right. That's how things are supposed to go, because when you love someone, there's nothing that's gonna keep you from them.

He's quiet for a long moment, then, frowning as he realizes that he's having to make himself look at her instead of down at the sand or out at the sea instead.

"This isn't how it's supposed to work, when you love someone."

That's the bottom line, here. This isn't how it's supposed to be. Even with Angie, it was better than this, and suddenly, he just wants to get up and leave.

[regenerated]

Whether or not he's intended to drop that guilt on her chest, Claire doesn't know. All that she feels is that suddenly, the weight of it is crushing. But as hot as her eyes burn right now, she refuses to let the tears fall, refuses to change her mind, refuses to beg forgiveness— because in something like this, there's just no point. She shouldn't have to think herself in the wrong for feeling the way she does, as he shouldn't be reprimanded for his notion of love, one which presumably has less friction, one where love is a notion that blankets over all. Claire knows that she doesn't want that. She knows, from finding out her father has lied, repeatedly, that love can't always be enough. A love that has to compromise every step of the way isn't the love that she's dreamed of.

How much does he really know about her?

How much does he really love her, and not the notion of what she might provide in his life? That's the question that Claire knows she doesn't want answered anymore, to make this harder than it has to be.

"I guess not," she replies, even though she isn't sure if it's true. This feels a whole lot like the love she's known in her life. Trials. Tribulations. Hurt. Who hasn't brought that into her life?

This is exactly how love's supposed to work, she suspects.

[noonelaughed]

"I'm.. just gonna go, yeah?" Chris says, convinced it's probably for the best. Because Claire's obviously made up her mind here. All he can do is tell her again that he loves her, and listen to her talk about love like it means fucking nothing. Maybe it's cause they come from different places, though somehow, it feels like more than that. But she's put up a wall now and he's left without a sledgehammer.

He can't think of much he wouldn't do, but there's nothing he can do. It's fucked and it's wrong and so many other things all at once.

Chris stands, brushing the sand off his shorts with his hands. Halfway up, he starts to lean over to kiss her on the cheek, then thinks better of it. She'll probably pull away anyway, if he tries it. Somehow, that's worse than not doing it at all.

"I'll see you around."

[regenerated]

"Don't be a stranger," she manages to say before he pulls entirely away, eyes quickly darting up, not knowing if they'll find his at all. But those words, at least, are honest. Because whether or not she's willing to put herself in the position of loving someone in that way when their paths seem to so naturally diverge, it doesn't change the fact that she loves him. She loves Chris as a friend, as someone she can't imagine abandoning in a million years, and it's just on her now to figure out how exactly to climb over the hurdle now, there's a laugh that doesn't dare escape her lips right now, thinking of her parents, and how she's felt that same strain between them at times, lately. Whenever they fight. Whenever the floorboards start to creak.

So her shoulders slump, and her hands rest in her lap, before she hurriedly raises a hand to wipe at the corner of her eye before her tears spill over too noticeably.